Winter Solstice Edition

On the fallibility of memory, dark nights of the soul, pausing at the solstice, and things that can help with S.A.D.

photo by Ben Mirzaei on Unsplash

If our religion is based on salvation, our chief emotions will be fear and trembling. If our religion is based on wonder, our chief emotion will be gratitude. —Carl Jung

Weekly Wonders

A few brief ones, both streaming on PBS:

Too Hot to Handel is a re-arrangement of Handel’s Messiah infused with gospel, jazz and R&B, conducted by Marin Alsop at the Royal Albert Hall in London. Really beautiful and fun. https://www.pbs.org/show/too-hot-to-handel-the-gospel-messiah/

And having nothing to do with the “season,” Alonzo King’s LINES ballet performing Deep River. Incredible choreography, dancing, and music. Wow. https://www.pbs.org/video/alonzo-king-lines-ballet-deep-river-1petvj/

Update from the Wonder Factory

I just want to say welcome again to all of you for joining me here for this new adventure of Small Wonders. I’m super excited about it and what it can become. Thanks especially to those of you who have upgraded to paid subscribers. You’re helping keep food on the table and a roof overhead.

In this winter solstice edition, I share the challenges I’m experiencing at this season, how that’s connected to my quest for Awakening, a draft of a new poem written in my dark night of the soul, suggestions for ways to honor the solstice, and things that can help if you’re dealing with S.A.D.

This has, so far, been the least joyful holiday season I can remember in a long time. Even last year, when I was much, much less sicker and in a more overtly dire situation physically, I wound up having a fair amount of seasonal joy, albeit in a very quiet way. At least that’s what I remember.

Memory is so fallible—have you noticed?

Even the most truth-loving among us re-write history constantly. That’s how memory works. It’s not an accurate reflection of what actually happened. It’s a story about what happened, and it morphs over time. That’s why it can be so powerfully therapeutic to re-frame or re-write the meanings we’ve made about past events because they aren’t carved in stone and they often aren’t serving us. That’s a tool I teach, and it’s one that has been incredibly helpful in my own life.

But now I’m going through some kind of dark night of the soul, accompanied by wearing and somewhat bewildering physical challenges. And no amount of refiguring the past is going to help because I’m trying to let go of the whole notion of past and future and even of a separate self.

You see, I’ve brought this dark night on by myself by my obsession with Awakening. That longing to wake up from the trance most of us live in has pushed me into a battle with my mind, which desperately does not want to lose its primary role in running the show. And so, it is deftly creating all kinds of distracting misery for me.

I attended an online poetry workshop with Nadia Colburn this week but was in such a foul temper I couldn’t concentrate and left early. But before I left we were invited to write a poem based on her poem “This Is Enough.” The gist of her poem was a wise acceptance of life. My version, written from my dark night of the soul, is here. Keep in mind this is a first draft.