Longing to Give and Learning to Receive

On the challenges and blessings of receiving and giving, the keys to happiness, and the power of words to connect us

Photo by Michael Ali on Unsplash

“Gracious acceptance is an art — an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…. Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”
— Alexander McCall Smith

This week, a well-known and much-loved poet and Substack author, Andrea Gibson, died. There has been a beautiful outpouring of love and grief on Substack (and all over social media, so I’m told—I’m rarely on Facebook and not on any other platforms). This outpouring highlights just how powerful words are.

How words can bind us together without ever having met in person. How words spoken truthfully and with care can open places in each of us that are longing to be recognized and expressed. How grateful we are when someone does that for us.

It’s such a moving testament to poetry, to creative language, and to Heart—because sharing their raw, open heart was what Andrea did so beautifully and bravely—to witness how deeply affected so many people are by the loss of Andrea. As a writer and a sensitive soul, it’s profoundly encouraging to me.

After their death, I went to Andrea’s Substack, Things That Don’t Suck, and read their most recent post, “My Friends Have So Many Issues.” In it, they describe how their wife, Megan Falley, had told their friends to please bring their troubles to Andrea when they visited them on their sickbed. Because, in Meg’s words, “Andrea thrives when they’re helping other people.”

Andrea goes on to write about how it’s hard, when you are limited by illness, to feel like you don’t have much to give. They write, “Being the one who always needs help but isn’t asked to give it started to make me feel like a ghost in my own life.” I know just how they feel.

this is a fraction of all the beautiful cards i’ve received

I am two years into my intense healing journey, and I have received so much. I have been given tens of thousands of dollars, countless beautiful cards in the mail, gifts of many kinds, meals, rides, free passes to creative workshops, people sitting with me in the ER or at home, and emotional support.

I used to be terrible at receiving, but I had to learn to become an expert at asking for what I need and graciously (I hope!) receiving it. I am grateful beyond words for the incredible generosity and kindness I’ve received. I couldn’t have survived without it, and it’s been extraordinarily moving and healing to experience it.

Yet, as Andrea wisely wrote, it gets hard being on the receiving end day after day. I painfully yearn to be able to earn a better living and contribute more to my household’s needs. I shudder at the thought of having to ask for more financial contributions to cover the high costs of choosing alternative treatment for my condition. (You can learn more about that and how I’m doing here.) And I ache to teach more classes and make a bigger positive difference in our world. What I’m doing feels like a trickle.

Blessedly, we are wired to give, and to enjoy giving. Altruistic giving has been proven to be one of the keys to happiness. While learning to receive has been vital for me, I long to give more. This newsletter, my writings, are one way I seek to do that, to offer something of value to a hungry world.

So, here I go, once again asking for something:

What do you get from reading this? What do you value about these posts? Is there something love—some quality, aspect, or topic you particularly enjoy? What’s best in what I share? (Some examples: sharing my art and poetry, writing about awakening, artmaking, living soulfully, healing, wonder sparks for you to play with, sharing wonderful books, music, art and more.)

I would love it if you would let me know. You can respond in the comments—I’ve opened the comments to everyone for this post. Or reply via email if you prefer to respond privately.

And if there’s something you wish I would offer more of, please let me know that too. That would be so helpful! I long to be of service.

With love and thanks for being with me on this wild journey of life,

Maxima

from the walnut tree in our yard

Wonder Sparks

The weekly Wonder Sparks help you cultivate more wonder, creativity, joy, and soul in your life. They are one perk of being a paid subscriber. This week, I’m making them available to everyone, so you can get a taste and consider upgrading to a paid subscription.

1. Giving and Receiving

You can do this in your mind or in your journal. Think of all the things you’ve been given throughout your life, all the things that were provided for you generously: Food and shelter when you were young, education, clothing, health care, wonderful experiences and vacations, gifts, love and support and care. Let your mind gently rove over the years and the different kinds of things you’ve been given. It’s astounding, isn’t it? Feel the gratitude and awe for how much you’ve received in this life, how indebted (and therefore interconnected) you are to countless beings.

Now, think about some of the ways that you give to others. Whether it’s a listening ear or a smile, sharing your art or giving physical gifts, through your work or volunteering, donating to charities or helping in other ways, all of it is valuable and beautiful. Appreciate yourself for that, and appreciate others for receiving your gifts, giving you the chance to give.

2. Cultivating Happiness

Look at this list of 10 keys to make life happier and more fulfilling.

First, congratulate yourself for any of these you are already doing well. This kind of self-acknowledgment is important to living a good life. I have to admit that I am struck, reading this list, at how I cultivate all of these in my life, and teach all of them in my classes and one-on-one mentoring. That feels good!

Next, choose just one that you’d like to focus on. You might click on it and read more about it, and/or choose one do-able action step you can take this week or this month to cultivate this. Put it on your to-do list or in your calendar. I’d like to cultivate ways to give more to our world, to making the world a more loving, just place for all. I’m not sure what step to take next, so I need to journal on this and maybe ask friends for ideas.

And please remember to reply to this email or comment on this post to tell me what you like best about this newsletter. Thank you!